Lately I've been wondering if it's time to make a career change. I've been in the real estate business for over 20 years - in a variety of roles - but my experience with some very successful agents in the past few years has cast a dark shadow over what was once an exciting business, peopled with smart, inspirational colleagues and work that was fun and enjoyable. As a result, I find myself standing at a fork in the road, considering alternative career paths where I might rediscover a happy life at work.
In 2010, I chose to leave a nice, salaried position as office manager/administrator in a well-respected, high-end firm in the San Francisco region. It was there that I went through a somewhat painful, life-changing experience that came about as a result of personalities and the power they wield; and of course, I had my part in it. My decision to leave was based on my ideals of mutual respect and consideration: despite my role in office administration, I deserved to be treated as an equally-valued team member. I chose to stay true to myself, rather than bow down, patronize, or coddle those highly-empowered, top-producing agents with whom I worked.
My next scenario was working as a licensed assistant to two "superstars" in the business at a luxury market firm. The behavior of these two beautiful, intelligent women was so disconcerting that I was literally shocked into resigning within 3 months. Their lives seemed to be filled not only with stunning luxuries, but also dramatics that seem to be born out of a privileged, Hollywood childhood for one, and affluent snobbery for the other. I dug deep to find a way to work in this environment, but ultimately knew the consequences of mean-spiritedness directed my way would severely affect my personal well-being.
And finally, the job I've held for the past year. Working again as an assistant to a very successful top-producer, I was relieved to find myself working for someone who struck me as more down-to-earth, kinder, equally successful. It was an immediate improvement in my work environment and I quickly assimilated into her business.
Over time, my boss "Jan" and I would run into little bumps in the road, yet both recognized the inherent learning curve of working with someone new. Within a couple months time, however, I began to realize the undercurrent of negative thinking, therefore negative experiences, that were happening in Jan's life. While it did not result in the more "theatrical" drama of my previous employers, the pervasive theme is like nothing I've ever seen in the life of someone with whom I am closely associated. Despite her peppy, upbeat personality, Jan's mistrust of people, of outcomes and of life itself, has resulted in disharmony and discord at every turn. Things like credit card theft, opulent vacations turned disastrous, lost cell phones, lawsuits....and trouble with every transaction - it's almost unbelievable. Because of my position, I have a fly-on-the-wall perspective into her life where there is the appearance of financial prosperity and success on the outside, but the reality belies this tale. And let me be clear: I do not sit in judgment of this one who is, in truth, simply human, just like me! We all have the same basic needs and intrinsic desires: love, safety, security. In fact, as I share this story, I am filled with compassion. I want only good for this woman, and yet, I am challenged in the experience of her personality.
So how does this inform my thinking about quitting the business? The answer is: I've developed some negative beliefs about successful agents that are sure to impede my own success, if I want to continue to work for them and with them. Despite my awareness and intellectual understanding, these beliefs embedded in my subconscious mind are playing an important part in what I am experiencing. So, I have a choice: I can either change my belief, or change careers.
Have you ever found yourself thinking or saying things like "If only he/she would do this or do that....things would be so much better!"? What sort of beliefs have you developed over time about a person, that in very casual conversations, you find yourself speaking out loud? What about your friends? Your in-laws? Fellow agents and co-workers? Is there something "not right" about their way of being that if they would just "get it together" everything would be alright?
The truth is, we can never know what is "right" for and about another. A great teacher of human relationships, Byron Katie, suggests that we use this question to shift our thinking about them: "Is it true?" It's the start of a process she calls "the turn-around" because when we ask the question, and allow ourselves to go below the initial surface response, we may find that we have created a story that, as long as we continue to tell it, is exacerbating the difficulty we are experiencing with them, keeping us in pain and separate from our human family.
The subconscious mind is a powerful thing. What happens around me is a reflection of what's happening in me. No matter what my experience with another, it serves me and all those whose lives I touch, to remember that I am, Jan is, we all are - unique, individual expressions of life in human form. We are free to be just exactly who and what we are. We have been given this life that it may be lived authentically and from that place within us that only we can know as our personal truth.
As I surrender my willful desire for my boss to change, I also let go of thinking there is anything wrong with her, or those like her, in this business that is my chosen career. If anything is to change, it is within my own mind. Knowing this, I am free to choose the next step on this ever-unfolding journey of life.
May your life be blessed with the gift of gentle, loving-kindness, and relationships that grow and inspire you to your greatest-yet-to-be!
I AM....LoriMorningGlory!
In 2010, I chose to leave a nice, salaried position as office manager/administrator in a well-respected, high-end firm in the San Francisco region. It was there that I went through a somewhat painful, life-changing experience that came about as a result of personalities and the power they wield; and of course, I had my part in it. My decision to leave was based on my ideals of mutual respect and consideration: despite my role in office administration, I deserved to be treated as an equally-valued team member. I chose to stay true to myself, rather than bow down, patronize, or coddle those highly-empowered, top-producing agents with whom I worked.
My next scenario was working as a licensed assistant to two "superstars" in the business at a luxury market firm. The behavior of these two beautiful, intelligent women was so disconcerting that I was literally shocked into resigning within 3 months. Their lives seemed to be filled not only with stunning luxuries, but also dramatics that seem to be born out of a privileged, Hollywood childhood for one, and affluent snobbery for the other. I dug deep to find a way to work in this environment, but ultimately knew the consequences of mean-spiritedness directed my way would severely affect my personal well-being.
And finally, the job I've held for the past year. Working again as an assistant to a very successful top-producer, I was relieved to find myself working for someone who struck me as more down-to-earth, kinder, equally successful. It was an immediate improvement in my work environment and I quickly assimilated into her business.
Over time, my boss "Jan" and I would run into little bumps in the road, yet both recognized the inherent learning curve of working with someone new. Within a couple months time, however, I began to realize the undercurrent of negative thinking, therefore negative experiences, that were happening in Jan's life. While it did not result in the more "theatrical" drama of my previous employers, the pervasive theme is like nothing I've ever seen in the life of someone with whom I am closely associated. Despite her peppy, upbeat personality, Jan's mistrust of people, of outcomes and of life itself, has resulted in disharmony and discord at every turn. Things like credit card theft, opulent vacations turned disastrous, lost cell phones, lawsuits....and trouble with every transaction - it's almost unbelievable. Because of my position, I have a fly-on-the-wall perspective into her life where there is the appearance of financial prosperity and success on the outside, but the reality belies this tale. And let me be clear: I do not sit in judgment of this one who is, in truth, simply human, just like me! We all have the same basic needs and intrinsic desires: love, safety, security. In fact, as I share this story, I am filled with compassion. I want only good for this woman, and yet, I am challenged in the experience of her personality.
So how does this inform my thinking about quitting the business? The answer is: I've developed some negative beliefs about successful agents that are sure to impede my own success, if I want to continue to work for them and with them. Despite my awareness and intellectual understanding, these beliefs embedded in my subconscious mind are playing an important part in what I am experiencing. So, I have a choice: I can either change my belief, or change careers.
Have you ever found yourself thinking or saying things like "If only he/she would do this or do that....things would be so much better!"? What sort of beliefs have you developed over time about a person, that in very casual conversations, you find yourself speaking out loud? What about your friends? Your in-laws? Fellow agents and co-workers? Is there something "not right" about their way of being that if they would just "get it together" everything would be alright?
The truth is, we can never know what is "right" for and about another. A great teacher of human relationships, Byron Katie, suggests that we use this question to shift our thinking about them: "Is it true?" It's the start of a process she calls "the turn-around" because when we ask the question, and allow ourselves to go below the initial surface response, we may find that we have created a story that, as long as we continue to tell it, is exacerbating the difficulty we are experiencing with them, keeping us in pain and separate from our human family.
The subconscious mind is a powerful thing. What happens around me is a reflection of what's happening in me. No matter what my experience with another, it serves me and all those whose lives I touch, to remember that I am, Jan is, we all are - unique, individual expressions of life in human form. We are free to be just exactly who and what we are. We have been given this life that it may be lived authentically and from that place within us that only we can know as our personal truth.
As I surrender my willful desire for my boss to change, I also let go of thinking there is anything wrong with her, or those like her, in this business that is my chosen career. If anything is to change, it is within my own mind. Knowing this, I am free to choose the next step on this ever-unfolding journey of life.
May your life be blessed with the gift of gentle, loving-kindness, and relationships that grow and inspire you to your greatest-yet-to-be!
I AM....LoriMorningGlory!
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