Is it Time to Get Out of the Business?

Lately I've been wondering if it's time to make a career change.  I've been in the real estate business for over 20 years - in a variety of roles - but my experience with some very successful agents in the past few years has cast a dark shadow over what was once an exciting business, peopled with smart, inspirational colleagues and work that was fun and enjoyable.  As a result, I find myself standing at a fork in the road, considering alternative career paths where I might rediscover a happy life at work.

In 2010, I chose to leave a nice, salaried position as office manager/administrator in a well-respected, high-end firm in the San Francisco region.   It was there that I went through a somewhat painful, life-changing experience that came about as a result of personalities and the power they wield; and of course, I had my part in it.  My decision to leave was based on my ideals of mutual respect and consideration:  despite my role in office administration, I deserved to be treated as an equally-valued team member.  I chose to stay true to myself, rather than bow down, patronize, or coddle those highly-empowered, top-producing agents with whom I worked. 

My next scenario was working as a licensed assistant to two "superstars" in the business at a luxury market firm.  The behavior of these two beautiful, intelligent women was so disconcerting that I was literally shocked into resigning within 3 months.  Their lives seemed to be filled not only with stunning luxuries, but also dramatics that seem to be born out of a privileged, Hollywood childhood for one, and affluent snobbery for the other.  I dug deep to find a way to work in this environment, but ultimately knew the consequences of mean-spiritedness directed my way would severely affect my personal well-being. 

And finally, the job I've held for the past year.  Working again as an assistant to a very successful top-producer, I was relieved to find myself working for someone who struck me as more down-to-earth, kinder, equally successful.  It was an immediate improvement in my work environment and I quickly assimilated into her business. 

Over time, my boss "Jan" and I would run into little bumps in the road, yet both recognized the inherent learning curve of working with someone new. Within a couple months time, however, I began to realize the undercurrent of negative thinking, therefore negative experiences, that were happening in Jan's life.  While it did not result in the more "theatrical" drama of my previous employers, the pervasive theme is like nothing I've ever seen in the life of someone with whom I am closely associated. Despite her peppy, upbeat personality, Jan's mistrust of people, of outcomes and of life itself, has resulted in disharmony and discord at every turn.  Things like credit card theft, opulent vacations turned disastrous, lost cell phones, lawsuits....and trouble with every transaction - it's almost unbelievable.  Because of my position, I have a fly-on-the-wall perspective into her life where there is the appearance of financial prosperity and success on the outside, but the reality belies this tale.   And let me be clear: I do not sit in judgment of this one who is, in truth, simply human, just like me!  We all have the same basic needs and intrinsic desires:  love, safety, security.  In fact, as I share this story, I am filled with compassion.  I want only good for this woman, and yet, I am challenged in the experience of her personality.

So how does this inform my thinking about quitting the business?   The answer is: I've developed some negative beliefs about successful agents that are sure to impede my own success, if I want to continue to work for them and with them.   Despite my awareness and intellectual understanding, these beliefs embedded in my subconscious mind are playing an important part in what I am experiencing.  So, I have a choice:  I can either change my belief, or change careers. 

Have you ever found yourself thinking or saying things like "If only he/she would do this or do that....things would be so much better!"?  What sort of beliefs have you developed over time about a person, that in very casual conversations, you find yourself speaking out loud?  What about your friends? Your in-laws? Fellow agents and co-workers?   Is there something "not right" about their way of being that if they would just "get it together" everything would be alright?

The truth is, we can never know what is "right" for and about another.  A great teacher of human relationships, Byron Katie, suggests that we use this question to shift our thinking about them:  "Is it true?"  It's the start of a process she calls "the turn-around" because when we ask the question, and allow ourselves to go below the initial surface response, we may find that we have created a story that, as long as we continue to tell it, is exacerbating the difficulty we are experiencing with them, keeping us in pain and separate from our human family.

The subconscious mind is a powerful thing.  What happens around me is a reflection of what's happening in me.  No matter what my experience with another, it serves me and all those whose lives I touch, to remember that I am, Jan is, we all are - unique, individual expressions of life in human form.  We are free to be just exactly who and what we are. We have been given this life that it may be lived authentically and from that place within us that only we can know as our personal truth. 

As I surrender my willful desire for my boss to change, I also let go of thinking there is anything wrong with her, or those like her, in this business that is my chosen career.  If anything is to change, it is within my own mind.  Knowing this, I am free to choose the next step on this ever-unfolding journey of life.

May your life be blessed with the gift of gentle, loving-kindness, and relationships that grow and inspire you to your greatest-yet-to-be!

I AM....LoriMorningGlory!
 

Who's to Blame?

I got a call from a friend yesterday in the midst of turmoil about a client who failed to read an important email.  The client then admonished the agent for not handling a situation as he had requested, and as often happens in this business, blamed the agent for what went wrong as a result.  I could feel the frustration of my friend, as she blew off steam, telling me what she would say to the client, if it hadn't been for her desire to maintain a professional business relationship with a long-term client. 

With the vastly improving real estate market, there is a tendency for clients and agents to experience increasing tension and uprising of fear, as low inventory and multiple offers in highly-desireable price ranges are once again the norm.  Coupled with the fast pace of our lives today, it's easy to see how fertile is the soil for emotional eruptions to occur!  Sometimes it seems our business is more about how to maintain relationships, than negotiate a transaction. 

Not that this is news to any of us, but every evolution in the real estate market brings with it a new set of ideas, desires and expectations freshly born out of the previous iteration.  The trick for us as agents is to learn how to be with our clients and their reactions, and still feel okay about ourselves.  The work is learning "not take it personally," to stand in our personal truth with conviction, while maintaining our professionalism with integrity and compassion.  And the place that we do all of this is only within ourselves.  We don't need to say or do anything to demonstrate this to the client; we have to know it for ourselves and that is all. 

As my friend and I talked, I could see how much she wanted to "blast him" for his failure to read her email - the entire experience would be non-existent.  It was difficult for her to see that sharing her enlightened point of view would reallly not change him or his way of thinking and acting.  She may have been 100% "right" in her observation, and yet, it would very likely not have mattered to him at all.

The truth is, we can never change another human being, no matter how clearly or brilliantly we articulate our observations to them; we can only change ourselves.  When we experience frustration or aggravation, we change how we think about, talk about, act and respond to our clients by learning first that their reactions are really not about us....it's about their own anxiety or fears.  Whatever is going on in their lives, in tandem with the emotional roller coaster of buyer and selling real estate, they are in their own experience of life and it's inherent struggles.  It is with this understanding that we are able to come from a place of compassion, rather than denial of wrong-doing or blame.

This is a universal principle called "Divine Order."   Everything is happening in perfect order for the greater evolution of humanity.  By learning compassion for our clients, we are participating in the ever-upward spiral of evolution.

Thank you for doing your part. 

In service to the greater good, I AM.

Lori

An Attitude of Gratitude - No Matter What

With heartfelt thanks and abundant gratitude, this blog is dedicated to Kat Breithaupt!

Everywhere I look, I see so much good.  Everything I do makes me feel happy and full of life.  Everyone I meet and work with makes my life richer and fuller. Business is GREAT because I have clients I love and they love me! I am excited about my day, and all the work I do leads me to greater success and a more prosperous life.  I am in the flow!  All is well.

Wouldn't it be great to wake up each day with these as your first thoughts?  Imagine waking up with the awareness that you can choose your thoughts. How happy will you be today?  How much fun can you have interacting with clients and colleagues?  How much joy will you find in the process of securing a new listing, getting a buyer into escrow, or skillfully engaging in negotiations, as you demonstrate expertise in your field?  Will you be "on your game" feeling the powerful life force moving through you, inspiring others along the way?  Yes, what an awesome way to start the day!

But polarity exists everywhere, so you could be one whose thoughts go in the opposite direction. 

It is natural - but only out of habit - to wake up to a new day and immediately turn attention to the challenges of yesterday. Whether your business is real estate, restaurants or retail - or anything in between - we have a tendency to pick up where we left off, often returning to the thoughts and emotions of yesterday's disappointments.  We relive moments already passed, and unknowingly, set our energetic "vibration" at a low frequency, and start the day from there.  It's true, when working through a difficult transaction or challenging client, the professional begins his or her day be being prepared.  But something very important is missed when we enter blindly into daily activity, before taking note of and being grateful for what has already been provided in our lives. Something magical happens when we wake up to the limitless possibilities of a "brand new baby day*" by first and foremost, giving thanks for what already IS.  Awareness is key.

Consider now, by looking around, wherever you are, noticing the effects of your life, what is represented there.  No doubt you see pictures or momentos, furishings, a coffee mug, technology devices or loved ones, food or clothing, all of which has come into your life by one means or another.  Whether you've worked hard or were gifted the material items that make for a comfortable life, or you have just "wound up" in your current situation with a family, or partner, or the peace of solo living, if you're reading this blog, you have been the recipient of great good.  You are here!  You have life!  The truth is, no matter what our particular circumstances, there is something we can call "good" in our lives.  But what if your business is really, REALLY struggling?  What if you seem to be losing ground in a down market, unsure of where the next paycheck is coming from? Or maybe you have excessive responsibilities/obligations, are affected by legal troubles or life-threatening illness, dramatic issues that seem insurmountable...what about that???   What about it?

Well, hold onto your hats because I'm here to let you know.....IT DOESN'T MATTER.  There is ALWAYS good to see, something to be thankful for, no matter what.  It is one of the most important lessons of life.  And the way life works is also the way business works, so the same holds true there.  We must find our way to an Attitude of Gratitude.

So, how do we get to this attitude when so many things appear to be going wrong?  We get to it by looking for and finding what is going right.  Starting with the little things we mostly take for granted, it's easy to say "thank you."  Food and water, shelter, electricity....you get the idea...it is all a part of our good, and there is so much of it - the list is infinite.  In fact, you could spend the rest of your life saying "thank you" and you would never be complete!

When we look to see the good, wherever it is, we are putting the Law of Attraction to work.  What we focus on expands, so by turning toward those things that we call "good," our mental atmosphere shifts, and we become like a magnet, drawing to us even more of the good we want in our lives. "Seek and you will find" is the way from sad to glad, less to more, hard to easy....war to peace.

Look for the good and give thanks for it, and it will multiply in your life.

Knowing the infinite abundance of Life for you, with deep gratitude...I AM
Lori

 

Who is Your Adversary? Maybe your mind!

Do people stress you out?  Are you frustrated in your business dealings or interactions with others? Do you see your clients, associates or bosses as adversaries, complicating transactions or projects so you find yourself running around like a madman or madwoman, scrambling to satisfy their needs or meet their demands?  Do you dread the next phone call or email?

If this sounds or feels familiar to you, then I have some good news.  It doesn't have to be this way!....unless, of couse, it's what you believe.  Then it absolutely does.  It just a matter of mind.  What you believe to be true about life and people IS what makes it so.

In the business of real estate, we are dealing with a variety of conditions and circumstances that stem from the needs of our clients.  In the beginning, we think we have a clear understanding of what is wanted and needed by them.  We begin the adventure of working together, investing our time, energy, talent and resources with the intended goal of closing a deal and being fairly compensated as a result of having met their buying or selling needs.   The caveat is that in the middle of this process, lies all of the potential for this relationship to become strained and contentious. We certainly don't "plan" for that, but what most of us don't realize is that we can choose, with thought and intention, to have it flow with effortless ease - or not.

When our business relationships become strained and the work of it seems arduous, it's easy to develop a belief that people are hard to deal with.  How often do we hear others or ourselves saying "it's always something!" and "it's never easy" or thinking things like 'people are greedy'?  There are hundreds of idioms we use on a daily basis, without realizing that with every word with speak, we are reinforcing in our minds, some thought or idea that is actually creating our experience.  We go along thinking about how difficult the business is, how challenging "they" are as we comisserate with colleagues, repeating "the story" over and over again, without realizing that we are, in fact, creating more of that experience.  Thus, the pattern continues, and it is not limited to our business life; it is a universal truth that is making an appearance in every part of our lives.  What we are doing with this way of thiking is anchoring into a belief that life is difficult, people are hard to work with and this is just how it is, so we might as well accept it. 

But it's not true.  Life is not meant to be painful.  The Dalai Lama's teaching that "life is difficult, suffering is optional" is profoundly simple, yet within the message lies a life-altering concept.  As human beings, we have free will, the power to choose, volition.  We are born into a self-conscious existence that allows endless opportunities to learn, see, change and grow.  If we are suffering in the experience of relationship - whether it be with co-workers, clients, spouses or siblings - it is a magnificent opportunity to choose something different!

So how to do it?  In mind.  Take a look at just one of those challenging places and see if you can develop a new thought about it.  Let go first, of your opinion and what you might have already decided about that person and imagine instead, being engaged in conversations that are effortless, easy and productive.  Open to the idea that all anyone is ever seeking is to be happy, safe, and to belong, no matter how it might appear, or what is being said.  In this way, we are moved into a place of greater understanding and more compassion. 

As you change your thinking, you change your life.  Thoughts become things, so think good thoughts and you create good things. 

Be well and happy friends and colleagues, one thought at a time!

 

What is the Source of Your Business?

How many times have you counted on your great relationship with a friend, family member or past client as an unquestionable bond of loyalty that translated into "client for life," only to find they've listed, bought or sold with another agent?  This has happened to a friend of mine, a 10-year veteran agent, so much recently that he is having serious doubts about his ability to survive in the business.  It brought to mind how much we count on people and things outside of ourselves for the good that we want in life.

I'm sure we've all had the experience of seeing business walk right out the door in a way that shocked us abruptly into feeling some panic and fear, or even anger.  It can be scary when you realize how little control you actually have over your clients and customers, the very "source" of the business income that supports your family and your life! Despite the practice of continual networking to get our next piece of new business, we count on those people who are a consistent presence in our lives to bring us the business when the time comes for them to buy or sell.  In fact, they tell us in earnest, "you're the guy!" or "you're our gal!"  We know them and they know us.  It's often unspoken, but in our minds, there is an agreement that we will represent them in a purchase or sale of real estate.   Money we can count on.  And sometimes, as in the case of my friend, that transaction is the next paycheck.

So what is happening here?  Why do people say one thing and do another, leading us into this experience of a life and career of uncertainty?  And what part do we play in it, since nothing can happen to us that we did not have a role in creating?

When viewed from a universal perspective, the truth is multi-dimensional.  The human aspect is simple enough to understand; we're taught to be nice, get along, make friends. Those patterns of behavior, the result of life-long learning, cause us to take on responsibility for others feelings, make people happy, tell them what they want to hear; or maybe it's what they believe in the moment.  As hungry real estate agents, we're all too happy to buy in, jump on board, and feel the juicy good that assurance will provide.  We feel safe and secure, knowing that we are their agent, and that piece of business is ours.  But then...something shifts...and we discover it was but a fleeting moment of confidence.  Disloyalty is revealed and we are devastated by the seeming betrayal.  That fact of the matter is that being human means having free will, and free will allows us to make a different choice, resulting in changed conditions, the unexpected.

So what do we do?  How do we cope with such ambiguity?  How do we look people in the eye and trust that we won't have to suffer the let down or disappointment as a result of their changing minds?  And will we ever rest confidently in what we think we know about our book of business? 

We can never know what anyone outside of ourselves is thinking, doing or planning.  No matter how solid a relationship, friendship or close-knit family bond, there will never be a guaranteed piece of business.  Even when a client signs on the dotted line, there are plenty of ways to wiggle out of a contract and walk away without obligation to the agent.  And the same holds true in every part of life; promises, contracts and agreements can be broken and cancelled.  So in reality, anytime we link our good to other people, things or situations, there exists an inherent possibility of disappointment, feeling wronged by another.

But there is something we can be sure of, something that is beyond our human nature, that we can trust implicitly, without a shadow of a doubt.  It is as certain as night follows day, spring follows winter, and autumn follows summer.  It is an ever forward movement of life that is endless in it's cycle, and ever-present in every part of our existence.  There is no person, place or thing through which this cycle does not take place.  It is the evolution of life, the universal truth that, once understood, can lead us to peace of mind, and greater comfort and ease.  

It is simply that the universe is abundant, and it's nature is always in support of more and more and more.  It is Life living itself through each and every one of us, through every plant, animal and sentient being; it is the function of our solar system and beyond.  It is in, around and through EVERYTHING.  Abundance. Infinite abundance. There is no end to the ways that life continues to give birth to new ideas, new opportunities, new friendships, new connections, new experiences.  Everywhere we look, one door opens as another one closes.  We have only to open our eyes and see.  Once seen and understood, we become aware of our choice to live in that ease and flow.  As a part of Life's endless evolutionary process, we can learn to know ourselves as part of something bigger than our business, and know that we are always supported by Life as our Source. Letting go of the need to hang onto a piece of business, a relationship, a situation that is not working, we are free to move onto the next open door, that yet-to-be-known opportunity that for all we know, could be even better, more lucrative, more connected, joyful or rewarding than anything we've ever known. 

Knowing endless opportunity for you in business and in life,
Lori Greer, RScP
 

To Tell the Truth.....or Not

Do you tell the truth?  Do you trust what others tell you, or do you think people lie?  This question is ever present for me because I work closely with an agent who thinks she has to "shape" the truth, in order to get or keep a real estate deal together.  Just yesterday, she was on the phone with a buyer saying "we'll lie a little to get the house" and as a way of explanation, she proceeded to talk about "lying" as a matter of course in real estate.  Ironically, I hear this same agent repeat the old adage "buyers are liars and sellers are too" when someone besides herself has engaged in the telling of untruths.  As one who wears her heart on her sleeve, my challenge, on the other hand, is to slow down and discern about what and when it is appropriate for me to speak up, since it is my nature to be unreservedly honest.

Real estate transactions are fraught with opportunities for buyers, sellers and agents to selectively disclose or reveal information that has the potential to kill a deal, or in the case of my associate, to be the winning bid in a multiple offer situation.  From the seller's perspective, and therefore the listing agent/broker, it is pretty simple and clear:  disclose everything.  Thankfully, we've learned that honesty is the best policy for keeping sellers and brokers out of court.  But what are we practicing in our day-to-day interactions with other agents and principals to the transaction?  Are we so afraid of the deal falling apart or not coming together that we will create a story (lie) or withhold information as a means of control?  If this is common practice among us, I think we have to ask ourselves "why?" and then decide if it's worth it. 

Obviously we are in a business whose success depends upon our ability to "keep it together" when the going gets tough, or else we won't get paid.  We know all too well the time, energy and resources we've expended on a buyer, looking for the right house, finally getting  them off the fence to put pen to paper; the time, energy and resources spent procuring a listing, going live on market after weeks of preparation, daily or weekly updates and conversations about what's happening....all before we are paid a dime.  It's no wonder our collective mindset is to do anything to NOT lose the deal! But is it really necessary to put our integrity on the line to save it?

The question we have to ask ourselves is "what's driving me?" and in the asking, allow yourself a moment to check in with the physical body.  If we look below the surface motivation of having bills to pay and families to provide for, we might notice there is a visceral response to the possibility of the deal falling apart.  Can you sometimes feel that sense of constriction at the very core of your being?  It's like a tightening in the area of the solar plexus, also known as the body's power center.  It is the body's ancient wisdom responding to the fear of loss, that the hunt may not result in a kill that will feed the village that can be a guidepost to understanding the question of why, and what is driving our decision to talk truth or not.  Left unnoticed, the fear of loss is a powerful driving force behind layers, upon layers, upon layers of stories that are created (in our minds), and lives are lived.  In the end we are left with unhappy situations, marriages, relationships, unfulfilling careers, stagnant lives.

The good news is that once we realize that we are living a life based on FEAR (aka False Evidence Appearing Real) we are free to choose another way.  Having opened our eyes to the idea that maybe we have been inauthentic, we get curious about where else we might be living from this untrue place.  Moving beyond "what's driving me?"  the question then becomes "what's the worst that can happen?"  And here is where a real shift in our thinking must come.  We have to realize that there is ALWAYS more good available to us, all of us, all the time.  Anytime one door closes, another opens.  A deal falls apart, another one comes our way.  You don't get to move into the house you fell in love with, another house, an even better house comes along. One buyer walks...another buyer knocks.  Just as trees grow, sprout leaves that die and fall off, more leaves are always available just below the surface, waiting to burst through.  You couldn't see it before....but it was always there! That is the way the universe works.  All of life works this way.  Our bodies reflect this too.  Life is forever and always giving forth more good, more abundance, more joy, more beauty, more of everything.  Everything works in this same way and all we have to do is recognize it, and know that we are safe, we are always supported, and there is nothing to fear. 

Supporting you in knowing the Truth,
Lori

 

The 24/7 Business of Real Estate - What's That About?

The Business
Is your real estate agent available to you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?  If you're an Agent, is that the way you're working your business?  Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why it seems to be the nature of the real estate business, or why you have to do it? 

In my 20+ years in the field of real estate, I've experienced a plethora of individual Agent styles and Client personalities that fascinate and entertain, when observed from a distance.  But when in the midst of a deal, and in the seeming struggle to create and maintain a flow of business, there is so much to be done, matched by a sense of urgency about EVERYTHING that it can make this business feel heavy and intense and OMG...dramatic!  (Drama kings and queens...you know what I'm talking about, hmmmm???)  Every detail seems to be so critical that when missed or "less than perfect" when completed, it creates a whirlwind of reactivity that tends to exacerbate that perception.  Without realizing it, we are so focused on those details, we lose sight of the big picture. Not that the details lack importance - simply that we get out of balance and before you know it, we are working all day, every day. Not only do WE think we have to do this, we teach our clients it IS what we do!  Thankfully, we can choose to do it another way. 

Is there a choice?
If we're willing, yes.  What I have learned is that there is a certain way of thinking that provides an avenue for us to participate in this business with a sense of ease and calm, and yes, even productivity.  There is an opportunity to engage in a way that provides a better, cleaner, nearly uplifting experience, not only the Agent and the Client, but for everyone linked together in a particular transaction: lenders, escrow officers, attorneys, assistants, contractors, inspectors...the list goes on.  It begins with us, in our own minds.  Through our growing awareness and desire  for this to BE, we have the power to impact the lives of many people, which in fact, ripples out into the greater population, making a positive contribution in the world.  And, we are benefitted when that good returns to us in the form of more joyful connections and relationships, and a more succesful life and career.

The Way It Works
It starts with an Intention.  Beginning the day with quiet contemplation, whether with a cup of coffee at the dining room table or sitting on a cushion in a beautifully designed meditation room, setting an Intention for all the components of the day to work with effortless ease is half the job.  In as little as 5 minutes, it's possible to lay the energetic groundwork for ease and grace to be our experience, if that is what we want.  In these few moments of stillness, we DECIDE on the qualities we want our day to hold.  What is meant by QUALITIES is not about conditions or circumstances; it is a feeling of: joy, ease, abundance, prosperity, beauty, connection, love.  Attune with the quality you want to experience, let yourself feel it, then speak that word for yourself, and know that is what will show up.

It continues through focused thoughts.
If something is becoming difficult or strained as you engage in business - or otherwise, notice where you're coming from.  What is driving the conversation?  Are  you afraid the deal might fall apart?  Or that you will lose a client?  What if it does?  What if you do?  Is that the worst thing that can happen?  It seems that we are allowing our fear of loss to lead our lives.  When we are so attached to THIS deal, or the business of THIS particular client, we are out of alignment.  Our lives are focused and centered around something that is completely beyond our control and our FEAR of that loss, puts ALL of the power in the hands of clients, thus we work non-stop, putting the business first and foremost, as family and relationships take a backseat. 

Here is the Truth about How It Works:  The universe is ALWAYS AND FOREVER working in your favor.  Take a look at how nature works.  Do the trees struggle and strain to blossom and grow? Or have you noticed that they continue to bring forth new leaves, grow more branches, getting taller and wider each and every day?  Even when a branch is cut off, new growth emerges in the place where it was cut.  In the very same way, if a deal or a client in your business is causing you to feel upset, and everything seems to be going awry, it may be time to let go so that something new can come forward in your business.  Maybe by losing this client or this transaction, a better one will show up!  What would it be like to work with a client who lives and gives generously, who appreciates all the work you've done, and who understands and who listens to you because your professionalism and expertise are valued.  AND what would it be like to have a client who respects and values the fact that you too have a family, friends and a life that is balanced and harmonious?  What if?   

It's time to let go, my friends, because IT IS POSSIBLE to have all of this and more.  It's time to loosen our grip on those things we hold so tightly, and allow more of life to just flow. We need to recognize that our resistance is holding us in place, and by the simple act of allowing our fingers to open and relax, and our hands open to receive more of what we want.  It is our nature. It is why we are here, to be in and participate with all of the good there is.

Knowing all joy is available for you....
Lori